written by
Major Tom

Marriage Series #2 - Resistance to Learning About Wifehood

3 min read
red apple fruit on four pyle books
Photographer: Element5 Digital | Source: Unsplash


In this message, I make the case that most families and churches do not cultivate the development of wifehood. And that, as a result, many women enter their marriages without the essential fundamentals. Not only is an an absence of knowledge, but it is a playbook of poor practices that women get from their other mothers, the culture, and often times, from their church.

The irony is that men can’t get off the hook, for Scripture actually places the root responsibility of teaching how to be a wife upon them (I, at least, am playing my part). That responsibility, however, is actually a core reason wifehood isn’t taught well or isn’t actively sought, and as a result, is a deep rooted dilemma.

The dilemma, however, isn’t problematic for its own sake: it uncovers a failure to embrace the Gospel, specifically the church’s relationship to Christ. This elevates both the difficulty of accepting truth and, more importantly, great urgency to understand it deeply.

Scriptures in this message

You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,  to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (Titus 2:1-5)
I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. (1 Timothy 2:12)
Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. (James 3:1)
The woman saw that the tree’s fruit was good to eat and pleasing to look at. She also saw that it would make a person wise. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. And he ate it. (Genesis 3:6)


  1. Most women don’t know how to be a wife, because they assume it will come “naturally” once they are married
  2. But we already know that without instruction, all humans resort to their heart’s desires, and one of the greatest of these, is rebellion through willfullness
  3. That proper burden starts with strong teachers, the elders, who are men deeply understanding God’s Word on these matters- yet many churches improperly grant the role of elders to those who are also not equipped to teach. Fail #1
  4. The teaching needs to occur and be received by the older women - Fail #2.
  5. The last flow naturally if #1 and #2 is done properly -- older women teaching younger women. But without #1 and #2, this, too leads to failure - Fail #3.
  6. One of the dilemmas is a deep resistance by women, and a capitulation to that resistance by men, towards God’s orderly design
  7. It’s the reason many people, including church goers, continue to reject the Gospel;
  8. It’s the reason we ultimately need it, for our sake, the sake of the church, and the sake of every marriage within the church.
  9. CTA: If you found the teaching and its importance valuable, sign up to be notified of an academy on marriage, which will have great teaching focused on Wifehood. It will include challenging teaching like this, with encouragement and solid real-life wisdom from women who have wrestled deeply with the truth and found joy and peace in Christ. So don’t miss this, it could be the most important teaching in your life.
My process for these audio messages is very ad-hoc. I write a loose outline, reference the Scriptures I put at the header, and then just speak as best and as fluently as I can. I do this because I have limited time, and I found the fastest way to generate content and clarify my thinking was to do some light organization above (about 30-minutes) then just free-style the rest.


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References and Influences

  1. https://g3min.org/why-women-should-not-teach-the-bible-to-men/